Dog Baths Are to Be Avoided at All Costs by Scruffy

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Being a dog is mostly fun. There are a few necessary evils: annual vaccinations (so we can play outside) and toe nail trimming (for better traction). But it’s mostly sleeping, snacking and belly rubs.

However, just when I start to get complacent, I’m tortured with the dreaded BATH.

There is NO reason for me to take a bath. I will happily lie in a stream any time of the year. Not near a stream? I will happily lie in the sprinkler run-off in the street gutter. (I like the feel of the cool water on my belly in summertime.) Topical flea medicine has worked well for me, so I don’t need a flea bath.

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A bath serves no purpose other than to torture and humiliate me. So why do dog owners subject us to this? Because they have an extremely poor sense of smell. You and I know that the most precious fragrance of all is six-week old road kill. It’s best right at the point where you can no longer determine the species of the deceased. And unlike the expensive perfumes that humans use, it’s absolutely free of charge. You just have to be in the right place at the right time. Give or take a few weeks.

When we find really good scents, we don’t want to just walk on by. We want to carry the scent with us for a couple of days. I recommend the “drop and shimmy” technique for maximum application. (Sometimes I think my owner gives me a bath because she’s jealous of how much I enjoy this.)

And that’s not all. I have voluntarily taken a bath while on a walk or hike, and my owner hasn’t been satisfied. She says a mud puddle doesn’t count. Go figure.

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Unless you’re a very big dog, it can be hard to avoid a bath. In your yard, beware of the garden hose. There’s nothing spa-like about being hit with enough water to remove your fur! Indoors, make a mental note of the location of any human bath tubs, and try to avoid them. Although, if you put up too much resistance at home, your bath may be outsourced to professionals. They have their ways of getting you clean.

Happy (doggy) tails,


Scruffy is an eight-year old female Terrier mix, turned over to an adoption organization by her original family when she was two. Now in her forever home, she enjoys eating, walking, snacking, hiking, chasing lizards, munching on treats, snoozing, chasing bunnies, barking at cats, chewing bones, riding in the car, napping, chasing squirrels, and belly rubs . . . in no particular order. Her favorite pet celebrity is Snoopy because he writes, fights the Red Baron, dances, gives great smooches, and has a giant supper bowl.  Her profile on MeowWoofChirp be found at: